Last night began the first of many conversations Mr. Golightly and I are likely to have about the important task of naming our future child. If it’s anything like the last go around, it will start off kind of humorously, and then by about 36 weeks I will be so mad at him over his flip attitude toward the whole process, that I’ll be threatening to name our child “the next thing that comes out of your mouth.”
Sweet Pea was almost named Captain Tennille Golightly.
Honestly, I don’t even know why I brought it up last night. Except that I didn’t feel very good, but didn’t want to go to bed. So I drug the baby name book off the shelf and started in the boys’ names section.
There are so many more names NOT to choose than there are suitable monikers. Like, Derby for example. Or Gomer. Or the seemingly acceptable Aubrey. Which just kind of sounds girly until you read that it means “Elfin Helper.” What kid stands a chance of making it through grade school unharmed if you pick a name that not only sounds wimpy, but MEANS wimpy?
I made it through the R’s (it’s not a very big book) jotting down anything that sounded like it might work. You have to have a lot of choices when your husband gets a testosterone rush off of his veto power. I showed him the list and this very predictable conversation followed:
Mr. Golightly: “NOAH…Go and build me a shed. Make it 20 cubits by 40 cubits, and put two of each garden tool inside of it.”
Clover: “There is nothing wrong with Noah. I like Noah.”
M: “I know. It’s just that I’d have to talk in my God voice all the time. Levi is out. I knew a bad Levi once.”
C: “You did? Who?”
M: “Just this guy. He was bad. VETO! What does that one say, I can’t read your writing…”
C: “Yeah, I just wrote down anything that sort of sounded appealing.”
M: “Foster? VETO! Oh, you still like Luke huh? LUKE, I am your FATHA. (Darth Vadar Breathing.)”
C: “But you would be, his father. So it works.”
M: “Hmmm. Maybe. Why are we looking at boy names, you said it was a girl?”
C: “It’s just a hunch, I don’t know that for sure or anything.”
M: “You said you were a ‘girl factory.’ (Pause) Ely is Ok. Aaron is a VETO. So is Jamison, that would be too weird, because of Jamison.”
C: “I thought maybe it would be a nice tribute. He’s a good friend, and I like the name.”
M: “True, but VETO!”
It’s a good thing this baby is a girl.
And now onto more depressing news.
Anyone remember last spring when I posted about the jerk who left the anonymous threatening note on our door about our nuisance of a barking dog? Well, he’s at it again. Only now we know who he is. He’s mostly gunning for my neighbor this time, but I’m getting lumped in because of ONE DAY, almost A YEAR AGO, when my dog had to go outside for the afternoon and whined – not barked – whined at our back door.
He is clearly unstable. For one thing, the only time the damn dogs bark is when he stands at their shared back fence on a ladder and yells obscenities at them. I’ve witnessed this in action several times. He also throws rocks at the dogs, and what do you know, they bark at him!!
Rumor has it that his neighbor on the other side is considering taking some legal action, because in the process of throwing rocks at that neighbor’s dogs, crazy man has hit the house a few too many times and caused some damage.
But in the meantime I’ve got a crazy person threatening my dog. (And my poor neighbor, who is only 21 and freaking out about this crazy man appearing at her fence at all hours of the day yelling obscenities and saying things like, "You know what happens to dogs who bark don't you??")