Monday, September 17, 2007

I am no Supergenius (but I know one!). However, there are a few things I know to be true. Here are today's top 10:

1) I have ZERO desire to engage in combat with a moving, or parked really, car. Not even one of those weird little European things that looks like a golf cart mated with a bicycle.

And so, I am baffled, BAFFLED I tell you, as to why the woman pushing the baby carriage chose to waltz out into traffic this morning as I made my way down 5th street. Even my three year old knows that when the red hand is lit and the light is green it means DON'T WALK. Plus lets pretend you didn't learn that as a preschooler. Wouldn't common sense tell you that when there is a mid sized SUV and a full sized Diesel truck coming at you at 30 MPH, it's probably a really good idea to keep your feet planted on the sidewalk?

2) Getting the Amy Winehouse rehab song stuck in your head is not only annoying, it's sure to get you a look or two when you start singing in Babies R' Us.

And by the way, Amy Winehouse. GO TO REHAB. Make yourself comfortable. Stay awhile. Yes, yes, yes.

3) Having a head cold when you are pregnant sucks Wookie. I mean, I know I'm just the host right now. But geeze, Baby Boy, could you spare yo mama a couple of good ass kickin' antibodies? I'm sure my being able to breathe would benefit us both.

4) Pink Eye is not sexy.

5) If you have problems that require you to contact Symantec Tech Support, you should probably just set your computer on fire and start over.

6) It doesn't matter how much butter you sauté them in, it doesn't matter how pretty Williams Sonoma makes them look in the "fall recipes" picture, it's not likely that your husband or your kids will eat turnips, parsnips and butternut squash. (But more for you, yea!) Next we test the theory with brussel sprouts.

7) When you get pregnant your ass is supposed to get big, and if yours doesn't there is something wrong with you. And I hate you a little bit.

8) If your husband has a single friend who gets sideline passes to important football games, has a golf handicap he can flash with the fingers on one hand, and generously hands over the keys to his sporty little BMW, you are screwed.

9) Cake for breakfast is good no matter what.

10) If your husband says to you when you are 35 weeks pregnant, "You know, there's a whole chapter in the hypnobirthing book about exercise and how important it is. You haven't really been exercising that much lately, have you?" It IS possible to hit him in the face so hard that your fist comes out the other side. But it's frowned upon to maim your Babydaddy. So, probably, don't do it. Unless he keeps pestering, and then by all means kick his ass. It's good exercise.

Happy Monday.

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