Some stuff I'm thinking about right now. Much of which will cause my friend the SuperGenius to want to scratch his eyes out. Take this for example:
I got some new panties at Victoria's Secret the other day. (If someone gets a hold of Vickie to ask her what her secret is, ask her why oh why do they have 84,000 pairs of extra small panties in their sale bins, but no mediums?) Anyway, it was totally depressing. Because 1) I am not extra small. Apparently no one else is either, but no matter. Just being in Victoria's Secret makes you want to be extra small. And 2) I have reached a new level of old. I am now so old that it is actually difficult for me to find the type of underpants I like to wear.
OMG. I'm talking about my underpants on the Interweb. Is that naughty?
For real though, what happened to nice cotton bikini cut underpants? What UP with all the butt floss? WHY do I need my ass to read like a billboard on I-90? And finally, what self respecting 30 something wants underpants that extol the virtues of cupcakes? Ok. Well, maybe that part was kind of cute. Sweet Pea likes my cupcake underpants I suppose.
Where was I going with all that? Oh. Right. So since I am so ancient my underwear choices have become "that ain't gonna cover up my biznez" and "doubles as a main sail", I decided to try a whole new panty. (Are you still with me Brian or have you given yourself a lobotomy?) I bought a pair of these:
They are so comfortable and cute it makes me want to cry a little. Once again, THANK YOU Victoria's Secret for rescuing me from myself. What was I thinking these long years that I have been away, shopping like some filthy commoner in the Haines department at Shopko? Buying sensible instead of sexy? I'm back. I promise to only shop GAP Body for sweatpants and tank tops. I forgive you for all that uglyassed PINK crap. I'm still a little annoyed about the fugly-capri-gymsweats-pajamas, but I'll get over it if you just keep making these panties in girlie colors and a size medium. Please and thanks.
It is the beginning of the Legislative season here in Hideyhoo. And we all know why that sucks, right? Correct. It messes with my already tenuous parking situation. I have had to use overflow parking 3 times in the last 4 days. Meaning that I have had to park really far away. And it’s cold outside. Pout. Pout. Pout. So today, when I got to my parking lot, and to no one’s surprise found it full, I just drove myself to the overflow parking lot. (And parked in spot #69, which made me giggle because I am 12.) Then I called the parking company and told them where I was and in which spot. (giggle, 69. Still funny.) Just like they told me to do last legislative season. Except this time, the guy on the phone goes, “(SIGH) Um. Ok. (SIGH) But next time, could you call me first before you go ahead and park?”
And then I had to rip him a new one. I know sixty bucks a month to park isn’t a lot by some standards. But it seems like it earns me a little customer service. Which is exactly what I was thinking as I stomped the 5 blocks back to my office. And then I saw The Chronic Cab. I swear to God that I am not making any of this up. It is an old beat up sedan that appears to have been spray painted green, and then had “The Chronic Cab” stenciled on the side. .
I was instantly happy and completely over my parking fury. That’s what the Chronic Cab will do for you.