Have you peed your pants yet today? No? This should do the trick.
Except now I want to eat cake. Even if it is a butter cream monstrosity with glaring grammatical errors. Ok. But maybe not any of the ones that look like actual poo.
Here is my problem. When I’m hungry, I eat something. I my mind, the food choices I make are fairly healthy. But apparently losing your baby weight requires you to be freaking starving all the time.
So here is what I’ve had to eat today:
8:00 – One container of blueberry yogurt. No, not the all natural organic no sugar, no flavor, no chance of containing high fructose corn syrup kind. Because, quite frankly, that stuff tastes like shit. But still, it is just an 8 oz container of yogurt. So that should count as kind of healthy, right?? (Apparently I am insecure and defensive about breakfast. Interesting.)
9:45 – My stomach started growling despite the fact that I was all, “Hey stomach. You just ate yogurt. Chill.” So I had a celery stalk with some peanut butter on it.
10:15 – Still. Freakin. HUNGRY. So I ate half an English muffin with PB&J on it that Sweet Pea didn’t finish and left in the car. DUDE, how gross is that? I ate reject preschooler breakfast.
12:00 – Leftover tacos from dinner last night = 1 small tortilla, probably 2 -3 tablespoons ground beef, a medium sized pinch of grated cheese, a ton of salsa – because yum, right? And 2 tablespoons of guacamole that I made last night from fresh avocados and if we’re telling the truth I would like to just get a spoon and eat the whole freaking container.
And also I have been a good girl about the water drinking today. I bet I’ve had at least 32 oz.
It is 12:39 and I am feeling a bit peckish. WTH?
Why can’t my body just eat my ass for a while??
This is going to be hard. I did go to the gym this morning though. Here is what I learned:
My Mom is a BAD ASS NINJA. Seriously. She is back in the gym this week after having full on knee replacement surgery only 7 weeks ago. I did the “Body Pump” class with her. (She already did it on Tuesday this week, and before surgery was doing this class 3 times a week I think. PLUS a cardio workout AND swimming AND another class that is sort of a pilates/core thingo.) Anyway, let’s just say that my mom lifted as much weight as I did, if not more. And she didn’t look like she was struggling to steer her Caddy out of the parking lot. Unlike some other jello armed girl we know who thought that carrying a 20 lb. baby around all the time might mean she had some biceps.
HELLO, I carry a 20 pound baby around all the time. Why am I still so freakin’ fat??
Pity Party, table for one…