Sunday, January 25, 2009

If you are one of those people whose new favorite pastime is grumbling about how crowded the gym is this time of year, then listen up. I am talking to you.

I realize that parking in the north 40 isn’t fun when it’s 19 degrees outside. (If you live in Florida, then seriously, take that one off your list of complaints. You’re at the GYM. Walking across the parking lot is just a little bonus workout.) I know that you have limited time, and waiting for your favorite machine is an inconvenience. I realize that some of the Resolutionites haven’t yet figured out that you have a locker you ALWAYS use. Or that they need to wipe down the machines for a full 90 seconds to please you. But I am going to let you in on a little secret.

YOU JOINED A GYM. You didn’t buy a Soloflex for your living room. You didn’t contract with a trainer to come to the privacy of your home. You pay $40 a month to access a multi-million dollar facility. SO DEAL. Because in case you haven’t noticed, the number of sales people working there is greater than the number of treadmills. And they haven’t slowed their recruiting so that you can have your mango-protein shake without having to stand in line.

It’s busy. I get it. So quit rolling your eyes at me because I didn’t sign up for that 10:30 AM class in December like you did. (Yeah, that’s right. I was there in November and YOU WEREN’T. So don’t act all high and mighty. I’ve totally got your number.)

And here’s a little special excerpt for the Yoga Divas:

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON
Generosity
Kindness
Humility
Gratitude
Patience
Love
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.

THINGS THAT ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON
A monogrammed yoga mat
$80 yoga pants
The ability to stand on one leg for 3 minutes
Putting your yoga mat on top of my yoga mat in the crowded studio just because that’s “your” spot

In fact, that last one is really REALLY bad Karma sister. I hope that when you were reflecting on becoming an Enlightened Being you got a cramp in your third eye.

From my elliptical machine, I looks to me like we should be really happy that the gym is full of self conscious, overweight, out of shape neophytes this month. Maybe some of those people will make a lifelong change for the better and help turn the US statistics on obesity around.

So here’s to getting healthy and in shape. And I suppose we should try to resist the urge to wish muscle strains on the gym snobs. That’s bad Karma too.

~Clover

2 comments:

scarlett said...

I could swap some pink eye germs for you to smear on the snobs machines....I would do that for you!

Annie said...

heh. heh heh heh... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love your humor Katie. And I didn't even know they made monogrammed yoga mats! That's just weirdness. Thanks for my laugh for the day!