Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ugh...I'm such a fatalist. Seriously. I am not sure when I became so pessimistic. (Ok. Not true. I think it was in college where procrastination and my flair for the dramatic met at a crossroads...) But geeze. Someone please remind me that the sky in NOT falling.

Le Bebe is sick. Something flulike. I just do not react well to rough nights and miserable children. I'm all weepy and convinced that I'll be up rocking and wiping runny noses F.O.R.E.V.E.R. OMG, WHAT IF I AM UP ROCKING AND WIPING RUNNY NOSES FOREVER??? See. Film Noir.

I am sort of considering taking the kids out of daycare altogether though. And I will admit that it is freaking me out a little. Ok. A lot. I just don't know if I have what it takes to be a SAHM. I feel like the days when they are with me we watch way too much TV, eat way too much junk, learn way too many bad habits, etc. etc. etc.

But then I think that if we were home all the time we would get into our groove and have more of a routine. We could "play" at the gym for a couple hours every day. (Ok, every other day. Every third day? Shut up.) We could hit the Zoo more often. And drag the art supplies out more. Go to the park, walk the dog...Wait. Why don't we do those things now? Well. We can't do those things tomorrow, because I will probably be on the couch with a sick baby all day long. But next week we can give it a shot. And if you are a SAHM, or a part time SAHM, tell me what your day is like. I need to wrap my brain around it.

Also, there are pictures for this week, but the baby is crying so they must wait. Stupid flu!


jmac said...

I got to stay home with my first two. My brain was fried. I was exhausted every single day. Husband worked 14 hr days 7 days a week. At the time, thought I would rather die than do it one more day.
NOW, I WOULD NOT TRADE THOSE DAYS FOR ANYTHING. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN JUST LIKE I DID IT THEN. We had a daily routine that never changed. Up early. Sat them in front of Sesame Street so I could shower and dress. Get my chores done, while they played together. Mid morning, we would play together in some way, whether it be going to park, a friends house, library, mall walking, in the yard.
Lunch. Nap everyday, without question, 2-4. That's when I did my piddlin'. By the time they woke up, I felt better and we'd play more. Or read. Or watch a cartoon together. My life was boring and same-oh, same-oh. What I really missed was the Friday night fun that hubby and I used to have. Somehow, Fridays were just so much fun before babies. But then they turned into just another night of babycare. But they were hardly ever sick. They were happy lil boys who loved to play outside.
They would do a little daycare once a week for a few hrs cuz I thought they really needed exposure to other kids...but it wasn't set in stone.
I remember wishing on stars nightly that I could just have kids that shit on the pot and NOT hang on me. Then, when they were teenagers, I wished for the days of dirty diapers.
It was tough. But the day they both were five, I looked up and thought.."Whoa, I really do have a life beyond kids"!
Hang in there...just admit that it ain't fun so much right now, specially since you live in a place where the sun don't shine for months at a time. Once you admit that it's just gonna be crappy till he's a bit older, you can get past the worry of Am I doing everything right. You're a super laid back mom and it shows in your kid's faces........
Oh....fresh air. Get them out in it often, even if it's cold. Make 'em breathe all the germs right outa their lil bodies!!!
more than dirt, girlfriend. Wish I was closer so I could help......

Jeanne Pellerin said...

I've been a sahm for over 11 years now and wouldn't change a thing! We go for bike rides, to the playground, the zoo, the library . . . precious, sweet days. Naptime is the same everyday. I love to rock my lil guy and read to him before his nap. It's good stuff, you'd do great!!!

scarlett said...

The sick baby thing is not forever but it is for a little longer. Hey no daycare may mean no sick kids. Having L in school next year will definitely help. My kids did way to much TV and junk, and mindless wandering and they seem okay. When did we fall into this idea that our kids need their lives scheduled at 5? None of us did. We didn't start dance or cheer or b-ball until junior high and again we were okay. I understand the whole SAHM thing. When you work you want to stay home but somewhere deep inside you know going to work is easier. You are great at balancing your time and knowing when you need a break and actually taking it. So let,em eat junk and watch TV and dress up or wear their Pj's all day. Before you can even blink they will be turning 10 and asking you questions that you thought you would not have to answer for forever because you were to busy wiping noses! I guess you trade one thing for another!

Clover said...

Once again my girlfriends come through for me. Thanks you guys. ((((hugs)))

Tales from the Crib said...

Running out the door, but saw this. SAHM for almost 4 yrs now. SO HARD. SO WORTH IT! Don't know the right answer, but am sending J to full day Kindergarten next year 'cause I have similar feelngs as yours. But again, SO HARD. SO WORTH IT. :-)

beege said...

Girl, I am SO picking up what you're putting down.

With my whole job change, losing benies, not being able to pay for childcare (because I worked 40 hours a week and carried health insurance and pretty much every dime I made went to childcare)...I considering the SAHM thing.

I'm scared, because I'm not sure I'd be much good at it. I feel like a terribly impatient mother. I worry that I'd just put on videos and let them watch movies all day. I feel like I ought to have some sort of structure to their days, but structure can be spendy.

So. I'm right there with you. I'm not sure what we'll decide. I've never dreamed of being a SAHM. I think I might like it, but I'm afraid I'd last a week or two, and then be all: Dude, get me a freaking day job.