Thursday, February 26, 2009

I totally staged a coup last night. It was kind of ridiculous really. But it had to be done.

We have lived in our house for 3 years now. At our first Homeowners Association meeting we were totally blown away by the guy who is President. Let me be clear – this guy is a volunteer who saw our neighborhood through 3 projects that were probably loggistically complicated. I am not making light of his commitment, I know there is not a line of people who are just dying to become the president of the HOA. But, um. Err…it’s the HOA. And he sort of wants us to act like he freed Tibet or something. We talked all the way home from that first meeting 3 years ago about how he had some illusions of grandeur.

Last night it came to a head.

So after several years of filling this volunteer post Prince John has decided to resign. He announced last night that he was telling us this a year in advance so that we would have time to find a worthy successor. So I asked him if he could kindly put together a job description for the post that interested parties might review. That, apparently, was a bad idea. It seems that what Prince John wanted to do was just pay a management person to do his job. Because, CLEARLY, no one else on the planet, much less in our neighborhood is up for the task. The guy is an attorney. So he launches into full scale, “if you don’t agree with me I will just keep talking and talking and talking until you give up or die” mode. He actually told us that was what he was doing. I am not even exaggerating when I tell you that he told the same 15 minute story about how he saved the day and was the best HOA President EVER three times. Three effin’ times people. It was maddening.

No one can handle the complaints from homeowners like he did. No one will be as committed and consistent as he was. No one will have the THREE HOURS A MONTH to committ like he did. WHAT ABOUT THE MAIL?? WHO WILL GET THE MAIL?? (Nevermind that the paid bookeeper was all, “Um, I get the mail…?”) I think somewhere in the diatribe we may have all been accused of being illiterate and unable to manage the $20,000 budget with our 1st grade math skillz.

I wish I were making this up.

Le sigh. You know how I can get all fired up pretty easily? Weeelll…He totally had it coming. He was seriously being rude. Because I was the one to stupidly ask for the job description he said to me about 5 times, “Do you want to be the President? Ok, great, Petunia just volunteered!”

Fortunately I am not the only one who thinks he is kind of a nimrod. So I had backup. And up to a point everyone was being pretty polite. But then finally it was like, “Ok. You need to stop talking now. And by the way MY NAME IS CLOVER.”

So the net net of that is that I’m on the HOA Board now. Wheee! There are two other new rebel fighters on the board too. And the other board member present seemed slightly relieved. I was planning to volunteer be on the board next year when he was gone. But now I get to have a year of Prince John. I’m hoping the big fence project was his Swan Song, because I’m not sure I can survive him crafting his legacy in his last few months in office.

I guess we should start shopping for his gold watch.

Monday, February 23, 2009

For about the last 6 -8 weeks I have had horrible pain in my neck and shoulders. Despite that one little foray into childbirth au naturalle, I am a gigantic wuss. Big ol’ baby. No, wait. I have a baby. He takes headers down the stairs and doesn’t even whimper. Babies are badasses compared to me.

So, basically, my pain in the neck has turned me into a pain in the butt. I have been popping Aleve like candy. I actually wore out the electric heating pad and then used every last grain of rice we had in the house to make myself a neck thingy.* A couple weeks ago when we were in the mountains I tried to replicate the neck thingy by microwaving a bag of birdseed. It worked Ok until the bag split open. I am confident we will be sweeping up birdseed for all eternity. Which, incidentally, is about how long I thought I would be living with the neck and shoulder pain.

And then I met Paige. (Music swells.)

*You know, old sock, rice, microwave. It’s disgusting really. And it didn’t work. So you can imagine how pissed I was when I went to replace the risotto rice and remembered that it’s like $9.00 a jar.

So I had a gift certificate to a swanky spa that I got for referring an OB patient to my baby doc. That is another story right there, because that woman was a Piece. Of. Work. And I am pretty damn sure that by the time her baby was born the doc was expecting me to buy him a fancy spa day. But as HIPPA protects me from having to hear about what a pain in the butt she was, Baby Doc presented me with the gift certificate with only a slight grimace. And off we went. Well, not really. I’ve been hanging on to the dumb thing for over a year. It is a miracle that they are still in business really. What with the bad economy and the black circle of death that Me having a gift certificate seems to be for a small business. (Also true for TV shows. If I like it, it will not last 2 seasons. Trust me.)

Anyhoo…I went to the fancy spa, and cute little petit Paige gave me a “therapeutic massage” that was about as relaxing and spa like as an extended stay at Gitmo. But baby, it hurt soooo good. So when she gave me her business card with the information about her acupuncture services I made an appointment immediately.

Today was treatment #2. It is a TRIP y’all. But I am on board completely. Not only is it working, but the girl is fascinating me! She has diagnosed me with a blood deficiency, and a liver deficiency. (Hmm…liver problems…why oh why would I have liver problems…?) She keeps asking/telling me things that are more intuitive than what I got from my psychic reading. My liver told her all that. For reals. As it turns out, if you pay attention to your body it tells you stuff.

My body is doing a lot of talking right now. So much so that it talked me into letting Paige stick needles in my feet. NEEDLES IN MY FEET. Ok. Maybe you don’t totally understand what a big deal that is. But let me just tell you this – I don’t even let my husband touch my feet. NO TOUCHY THE FEET. Unless you are a pedicurist, and then please be delicate. And no toe popping like that little mean grandma lady at the Vietnamese nail place at the Palouse Empire Mall did. I swear I almost cried.


But like I said, it really is working. I can’t believe how much better I am feeling. So if anyone local interested in getting to know Paige drop me a note. She is very good at what she does. For proof look no further than my gracefully flowing Chi.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I hate to contribute to the working mom/stay at home mom/working woman no kids competition. So please don't take this post as such. But I thought this was a really good snapshot of life at home with kids. Even I need the reminder when I am scratching my head on Friday night wondering where the week went.

Monday, February 16, 2009

It’s February, and you know what that means? I bought new underpants, and now we’re going to talk about them!! Woohoo, I know you’re SO excited to discuss my knickers.

So I got some of these:

Ok, not exactly these. Mine are cuter. Pink with lavender trim and vice versa. I was going to take a picture of them, but that seemed weird. I mean, I wasn’t wearing them or anything. In fact they hadn’t been worn yet at all. Still weird though, right? So you’ll just have to imagine the cute colors. It makes them look all retro. Less Granny.

But helloo….SO COMFORTABLE. And bonus they were on super sale. 60% off the lowest clearance price. I am so in love with my new skivvies, in fact, that I did a Google search for “retro lingerie” to see if I could find more.

And what is important about that, dear readers – hello…readers? Are you there? Can you hear me over the sound of your head banging into the wall? Seriously, I’m done talking about my own personal underpants now. I’ve moved on to lingerie in the more universal sense. Ok? Do you need a brain wipe? Ahem. Anyhoo…I found this really cool collection of retro looking lingerie. Like pinup girl material.

So fun! And now, I am a little fixated on just who it is who buys (and presumably wears) this kind of thing.

I mean, I don’t even have a matching set. My rule has always been underpants have to be cotton, but bras cannot be cotton because they itch. And black cotton jockeys with a grey bra doesn’t count. (Oh, sorry, that was about me again…my bad.)

Moving on.

So if one were to own some fancy lingerie like this, hypothetically speaking of course. When would one wear it? Underneath stuff? Or just on surprise birthday trips to Vegas for hotel nookie? (Hypothetically.) I’m thinking my garter belts would be gathering a lot of dust.

So if you are a totally liberated lingerie wearer please inspire me. And if you aren’t living with 2 small children who have not yet embraced the cat bell, give me a timeline on when I can hope to unleash my inner calendar girl.

(Can we get some smelling salts in here? I seem to have lost a few faithful Clover followers. Brian…? Jim…? Dad…? It’s over now. You can open your eyes.)


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me! I hope the next 35 years are as wonderful as these first 35 have been.

Monday, February 09, 2009

A few things...

1) If you could please direct your spiritual attention to my little corner of the world for a moment, it would be much appreciated. My dad (Lou - technically the "step" dad. But I don't really use that designation.) is having some tests done this week for the dreaded "C" word. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. The test on Thursday is a bone scan to see if it has gone anywhere else. (PSA tests have all been normal, so this is coming at us from out of nowhere.) Please, please, please, say a prayer. Send a good thought/some gris gris/mojo/ healing vibes...whatever you wanna call it. Light a candle. Do a dance. Poke some white pins in a voodoo doll. Just do what you need to do and keep him in your thoughts this week. I'll let you know more when I know more. Thank you.

2) I need some inspiration on altered books. If you know of a cool site or gallery please send me the URL. I have a book that needs to be altered. Oy. Does it ever.

3) I'm bringing Sexy back. FYI.

4) Do something this week that makes you feel like you are living without regrets.


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I think we need to talk more about this SAHM thing. It sounds like there are a lot of us in similar headspace.

Beege - YES! Structure. How much is enough? What things do we focus on? How do I make it worthwhile for Sweet Pea (who will be 5 this summer) and yet include Will/keep nap time in tact? (Will is going to be 20 months in June.)

THAT right there is a big part of what keeps me on the fence about this. Right now they spend about 20 hours a week with trained child development specialists in a building that is wall to wall kid. Touch tables. Class pets. Dressup stations. Art Easles. Playground equipment. Their own Mac loaded with kid friendly programs to teach reading and typing. They know how to do stuff that I didn't even know they were capable of. Not that I think kids HAVE to be drilled on flashcards or have an activity every second of the day. But they LOVE stuff like art, and music class, and HELLO - having friends! So how is staying home with me all the time WAAAAAY better than that?

Then again...! So. All you mom's who stay or stayed at home. What kinds of stuff do you do? Library? Touch Museums? Craft projects? How often? Do you have a strict routine? Lose routine? Fly by the seat of your Pampers? Do you do any playdate/mommy group type stuff? How do your kids get face time with other wee people?

I should probably mention here that I am pretty convinced my kids are going to end up being much, much smarter than I am. So, you know. There's that. I don't want them to be bored all the time. And I KNOW that sometimes Sweet Pea gets bored on her home days. (I know this because she is all, "Mooooommmmm, I'm BORED." No subtlety that one.) A little boredom is Ok. But sometimes she begs to be taken back to school. That seems like something is off...

I am probably over thinking this. But I figure it's better to have a whole arsenal of ideas and only use a few than to be idea-less. Right?


Ok, there aren't really any pictures. There was a lot of snot, and that was about it. But here's a cute one from the dance recital on Saturday:

Can't wait to hear what y'all have to say.

Monday, February 02, 2009

So, I found this the other day at the thrift store and had to have it.

I put a new bow on it, and it was good.

Which began this weird obsessive need to make a Valentines Day-esque centerpiece out of it. Only, I had no plan. No vision...And then, it came to me in the night. (No, not in a dream. Literally in the middle of the night. I have really got to quit the Dr. Pepper.) I wanted a bowl full of cherries.

I went to the craft store absolutely determined to figure out how to get bright red cherries. Here's what I came home with.

I made stems out of green copper wire. They were cute. I was onto something.

Then things fell apart a little. Did you know styrofoam will melt under the heat of an embossing gun? Well, now you know. I'm not sure why it took me so long to come around to the decopauge. I LOVE the decopauge. And sure enough, red tissue paper and a little of the goopy stuff did the trick. Maybe Real Simple should know about this alternative use for your colander?

Half the cherries have red sparkly embossing powder on them. The other half are just glossy red. I think they are SO cute. Even Mr. G seemed impressed. Although he's pretty good at faking it. But I love them.

Happy February!