Thursday, February 26, 2009

I totally staged a coup last night. It was kind of ridiculous really. But it had to be done.

We have lived in our house for 3 years now. At our first Homeowners Association meeting we were totally blown away by the guy who is President. Let me be clear – this guy is a volunteer who saw our neighborhood through 3 projects that were probably loggistically complicated. I am not making light of his commitment, I know there is not a line of people who are just dying to become the president of the HOA. But, um. Err…it’s the HOA. And he sort of wants us to act like he freed Tibet or something. We talked all the way home from that first meeting 3 years ago about how he had some illusions of grandeur.

Last night it came to a head.

So after several years of filling this volunteer post Prince John has decided to resign. He announced last night that he was telling us this a year in advance so that we would have time to find a worthy successor. So I asked him if he could kindly put together a job description for the post that interested parties might review. That, apparently, was a bad idea. It seems that what Prince John wanted to do was just pay a management person to do his job. Because, CLEARLY, no one else on the planet, much less in our neighborhood is up for the task. The guy is an attorney. So he launches into full scale, “if you don’t agree with me I will just keep talking and talking and talking until you give up or die” mode. He actually told us that was what he was doing. I am not even exaggerating when I tell you that he told the same 15 minute story about how he saved the day and was the best HOA President EVER three times. Three effin’ times people. It was maddening.

No one can handle the complaints from homeowners like he did. No one will be as committed and consistent as he was. No one will have the THREE HOURS A MONTH to committ like he did. WHAT ABOUT THE MAIL?? WHO WILL GET THE MAIL?? (Nevermind that the paid bookeeper was all, “Um, I get the mail…?”) I think somewhere in the diatribe we may have all been accused of being illiterate and unable to manage the $20,000 budget with our 1st grade math skillz.

I wish I were making this up.

Le sigh. You know how I can get all fired up pretty easily? Weeelll…He totally had it coming. He was seriously being rude. Because I was the one to stupidly ask for the job description he said to me about 5 times, “Do you want to be the President? Ok, great, Petunia just volunteered!”

Fortunately I am not the only one who thinks he is kind of a nimrod. So I had backup. And up to a point everyone was being pretty polite. But then finally it was like, “Ok. You need to stop talking now. And by the way MY NAME IS CLOVER.”

So the net net of that is that I’m on the HOA Board now. Wheee! There are two other new rebel fighters on the board too. And the other board member present seemed slightly relieved. I was planning to volunteer be on the board next year when he was gone. But now I get to have a year of Prince John. I’m hoping the big fence project was his Swan Song, because I’m not sure I can survive him crafting his legacy in his last few months in office.

I guess we should start shopping for his gold watch.


Shannon said...

Holy moly! What's with that guy?

So does that mean you're in line to possibly be Prez, now that you're on the board? If so, you would be 1,000% better than he is.

What a freak show.

Clover said...

It became abundantly clear tonight why he thinks the job is so hard. I emailed to remind him to send me an email address that we discussed at the meeting. Seriously, the email said, "Please send me X's email address. Thank you." And he sent me back 2 pages of information from our Bylaws about signage in the sub. Which had NOTHING to do with the reason I needed the email address.

So. Weird.