Tuesday, June 23, 2009

We have this dog. She is a GREAT dog. In fact, I think that she might be the greatest dog ever. She isn't super smart. (But she isn't dumb either.) She doesn't do any tricks. At all. She creates enough methane gas to launch our house into outer space. She hasn't ever saved anyone's life or scared away a bad guy, or ANYTHING really. She's just your typical Yellow Lab. Lots of big brown puppy dog eyes. A lethal tail. And a love of being scratched on the behind that transcends human emotion.

But here is the kicker. She poops at home.

Yes, that does mean that we have to scoop a lot of poo at our house. Our backyard is sort of a minefield. But I will take that any day over walking around with a plastic baggie full of poop.

Yesterday I took that kids to a new park. Well, new to us. It is most certainly not a new park. And definately not a best kept secret kind of place. In fact, despite all the signage telling people to keep their pets on leash, this seems to be the place where every dog owner in the SE End takes their pooch for a good game of fetch and a big ol' dump. I am not even kidding when I tell you that I saw at LEAST 10 dogs doing the hunch backed crawl in the 45 minutes that we were there.

Of course all of these dogs had their people with them. And these properly trained humans were very dutifully cleaning up after their furry friends. So I am not complaining about the use of the park by dogs. Not at all. I love dogs. And I LOVE to see them chasing a tennis ball with that "BEST DAY EVER!!!" look on their little furry faces. Once upon a time when my Irie Dog was a wee bit younger she loved to chase a tennis ball for hours. Now she's good for about 3 runs. After that if you throw it, you fetch it.

But at our house, the dog takes a crap in the yard before we go to the park so that I can put a bandana over my nose and then use a rake and a shovel to keep my distance from her feces like a normal person.

I mean, we haven't forgotten that it's POOP, right? Ew. Unless it is an extreme emergency I am not using my hands to pick up warm dog shit. Sorry. But I am not comforted by the membraneous layer of plastic separating me from, hello, I'll remind you again - DOG SHIT.

And if, under extreme circumstances, I DO have to clean up after my furry baby, I sure as hell am not going to walk around with the sack of crap dangling from my wrist. Do you know how many people I saw accessorizing with POOP yesterday? There were these two women with about 7 little yappy dogs between them. They had an area on the lawn all staked out. Blanket, traveling doggie water dish, beach bag, snacks, etc. etc. etc. Their dogs were running off leash for like 10 minutes. Then suddenly, they stood up, put the dogs on leashes and took them on a walk. AND THEY CARRIED THE SACKS OF POOP WITH THEM. They left the snacks sitting there on the grass, and took the dog poop with them.

WHY DID THEY DO THAT?? There were garbage cans right there. Right there...

Once, when my dog surprised me with an off-site potty break I put the sack of poop into a garbage can in someone's driveway. I mean, it's a garbage can. And I think a sack of dog doo doo qualifies as garbage.

So there you go. If you come to my house for a barbeque, watch where you step. But I promise that you will NEVER see me walking around carrying you-know-what.

Good dog Irie!



Anonymous said...

The contents of this post remind me why it is I love Ben the fish so much.

Reading Mom said...

I've got a big old dog. And I use plastic bags. It's gross, yes. But it's for love. I've touched worse things coming out of my kids' bodies. Again for love. I guess I'd rather dump the bag in the trash than have a feces covered rake and pail lingering in the garage.

Clover said...

OMG. You clean the rake, and you don't leave the poop pail in the garage!!! LOL!

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

Oh my gosh, people walk their dogs so they can poo elsewhere? I've never thought of doing that. Maybe I'm just lazy. Then again, our giant poop machine confines his feces to certain corners of the yard, so we rarely step on landmines. I think our house could easily be launched by methane gas as well, by the way. I'll peek out the window to see your place once we reach liftoff.

I'm totally with you on the poop accessory thing! WTH is up with that?!?!

Angela said...

I love Irie, too. We were BFFs once...or would it be BD&PFFs? I dunno, I get lost with acronyms. Anyway, back to my point. I love her and miss her. I was thinking of her with love the other night when I got some ice from the fridge ice machine thing...made me think of Irie bounding into the kitchen when she heard that noise. Does she still do that?