Friday, July 09, 2010

I always have such grand plans for Fridays. My kids are at the ‘rents house (“Mom, when are you going to leave so we can have fun with JUST Grandma and Grandpa?”) The promise of the afternoon stretches out before me. On Monday I start thinking of what I’ll do. Shop in silence? In stores with lots of things that will break or smudge or turn to dust if touched by little fingertips? Work on some artsy fartsy project involving toxic chemicals/welding/sharp knives/insoluble paint or other materials unsuitable for children? Ooooh…I know…take a book to the pool and lounge on a chair in solitude for hours…

Uh huh. Today I cleaned the house and did laundry. Which is pretty much what I do every Friday afternoon. Le sigh.

I’m not complaining though. I know that to have a job free afternoon, much less a kid free afternoon is a luxury.

And you can’t really complain about a clean house. So yay me. And thanks Mom and Dad.

I spent a lot of time in my own head today. Thinking about friendship, and how hard it is to maintain one at this phase of life. Thank God for cell phones and the internet or I don’t think I would be as passionate about my current career.

Earlier I was kind of mentally ranting to myself about how I only have a little bit of time to devote to people outside the 4 walls of this house. So the people who want a piece of me had better be really fabulous. Right? And then I had this little ah ha moment where I had to stop and wonder if I was living up to my own friend expectations. I really hope that I am. I mean that. If you are choosing to spend some of your time and energy away from your family, and directing said attentions toward moi, I hope that I am making you laugh, cheering you up, helping you de-stress, making you feel listened to and understood, telling you what an amazing person you are exactly when you need to hear it…whatever it is that you need from a friend. (Ok, getting drunk with you should probably include a couple other positive attributes. So lets dig deep peeps!)

I really and truly hope that I am. And if I’m not, feel free to call me on it.

And then my next thought was of a friendship that ended in a big ball of flames. It still makes me mad. It still makes me want to stomp my feet and shout that I was right and she was wrong. How could someone be so totally selfish and childish?

Well, said my all alone in my house with nothing to distract me from introspection self, maybe she was hurting so badly that she couldn’t bear to see anyone happy. Ever felt like that, Self Righteous One?

Ooooh. Yeah…Ok. Weeeeelll…

Something to think about next Friday while I’m folding clothes.



Julie said...

Yeah. And you are. Doing all that, I mean. But yeah. It's still ok to be pissed tho. I'd still be pissed too. ;)

Clover said...

Aw. Thanks Jules.