Friday, November 09, 2012

I totally get that this ranty post is going to make me sound like an old lady.  I have these moments where I think to myself, when did I get so conservative?  When did I get so prude?
And then I remember that it’s not that I’ve gotten conservative, it’s that pop culture has gotten super skanky.  S.U.P.E.R. skanky.  Ugh. 
So here goes…
I am sick to death of not being able to turn on the radio in my car without having to monitor every song for language and content.  At first I did this for my kids.  It’s pretty mortifying to hear your 8 year old daughter singing gleefully about brushing her teeth with a bottle of jack, sippin syzzurp in her ride, or her Friday night escapades including a ménage a trois.  Not just mortifying, sad.  Seriously sad.  I do not want my third grader thinking that adult life looks like an episode of Jersey Shore.  I don’t want her to approach relationships with as much respect as you’d give two humping dogs.
But now, even when I’m alone in the car I turn the radio off.  I can’t stand to listen to women, relationships, marriage, and sex being degraded and demoralized in song after song.   I am not a nameless conquest, or a brainless set of boobs.  My relationships involve more than dysfunction, alcoholism, and sex with virtual strangers.  Being told over and over by artists too crass/stupid/young to know better that my worth in the world is directly related to how well I can shake my ass makes me want to pack up and move far, far away from pop culture.
I’m NOT overly conservative.  I’m NOT a prude.  But what happened to subtlety?  Moderation?  And having a modicum of respect?  Case in point, there’s that new Maroon 5 song “One More Night.”  The lyrics are vague enough that I had myself convinced it was more about a tortured love affair than a booty call.  Ok, maybe I wasn’t convinced, but that’s how I was choosing to interpret it.  I’m driving home from school with both kids in the car and the new version “feat. Cee Lo” comes on.  Have you heard this?  Don’t bother.  It adds about 45 second to the middle song where Captain Obvious spells out in detail how the whole draw to this otherwise hateful beast of a woman is the ease at which he can get into her pants.  Sort of another rendition of, “The B!#$% is Crazy But I Like the Way She @#$%! Me.”  (Yup.  That’s a real song too.  Aren’t we so proud?)  Thanks Cee Lo.  No, really.  We needed that extra clarification to really understand the crux of the message.  It’s so. much. clearer. to me now: Instant gratification beats emotional stability and happiness every time.  It must be fun living in your world. 
I have spent the better part of my 38 years on this earth wishing that I had enough musical talent to write a song.  Or sing a song (who cares who wrote it!) well enough that other people wanted to hear me sing it.  Wouldn’t that be cool?  Wouldn’t it be an amazing gift to bring something like a new song into the world?  So CONGRATULATIONS  Florida, for using your unique talent to give humanity the blowjob song.  I bet your grandma is so proud. 
That song might have been the nail in the coffin for me.  My radio if permanently OFF of secular music.  We have two great Christian music stations in town that play contemporary, pop, and alternative music with a good message.  It’s not like the slightly whiny, ballad-y Christian rock of the 1990’s.  (No offence Michael W. Smith.  But I can only tolerate “Friends are Friends Forever” at sorority reunions.)  So from now on, it’s Air 1, or CD’s approved by me.  Taylor Swift, you’re in.  Justin Bieber, so far you can stay too. Katy Perry, I’ve got my eye on you…

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